Going for a song
by nuke
Summary: The Boys are forced into a bachelor auction!


Going for a song!  
  
As he exited the Batmobile he could tell that there was something wrong. The atmosphere in the cave was wrong it was different. As he entered the main area of the cave he could see Robin and Oracle talking on the computer while Nightwing practised on the rings.  
Watching his son fly on the rings Batman watched envious of his son's natural grace and ability. Stepping from the shadows to make his presence felt he watched his son prepared for his dismount. Spinning to gain momentum Nightwing released the rings at the top of his swing, somersaulting once, twice, three times before landing with a slight stumble as he noticed the Batman watching.   
Something was wrong and Dick is the one to inform me thought Bruce.  
Noticing that Batman had arrived Robin and Oracle fell silent in anticipation. Walking over to his father Dick thought about the best way to tell him.  
  
*Come on Dick its not as if you've crashed the Batmobile again or set him up on a blind date or even forgotten to wash the uniforms separately and turned all his uniforms pink again.*  
  
Shuddering at the repercussions of that last misdemeanour Dick quickly pulled himself back together and Decided it would be better to deal with Bruce rather than the Bat.  
  
"Bruce, You know that JLA meeting that you asked me to represent you at?"  
  
Quickly thinking of the Date and the other variables Bruce smirked to himself.   
  
"Report Nightwing!"  
  
"Well, remember when you asked me to offer suggestions on how to make the JLA a more effective team and I suggested more liaisons of a social kind. Well its Wonder Woman's Birthday and the rest of the group have decided to have one of these social gatherings. Well-Wonder-woman-decided-that-she-wanted-to-hold-a-bachelor-auction-for-charity."  
  
The last sentence came out at a speed that even the Flash would have had a hard time understanding.  
  
Laughing to himself Batman thought about his answer,* hmm, sometimes it pays to keep them on their toes *  
  
"Sure, just remember we're like the musketeers!"  
  
Walking away from the stunned silence Bruce could not help but smile as he imagined the shock that the Justice league would have.  
  
Watching the Bat walk away towards the shower area Robin was the first to break the stunned silence.  
  
"Wh What does he mean by the musketeers?"  
  
Oracle trying hard not to laugh replied with a slight giggle in here voice.  
  
"You know Short stuff, All for one and one for all!"  
  
Breaking the connection quickly before her laughter broke free Oracle's face disappeared.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Draping his arm over his little brothers shoulders Nightwing steered him towards the changing rooms.  
  
"Don't worry about it bro, oh by the way can you dance?"  
  
Days later in the kitchen of Wayne Manor Bruce and Dick sat talking over milk and cookies.  
  
"I can't believe that your going to do this, I mean what about your reputation as an Urban Myth, Mr. Doom and Gloom!" Dick asked.  
  
Bruce laughed, "I think you're more worried about your reputation and the fact that I'll go for more money than you will!"  
  
"Oh yeah wanna bet?"  
  
"OK, what are the terms?"  
  
The day of the Big sale soon came around. It had become the hottest ticket on the Earth. Hero's, film stars and Royalty had all bought tickets as rumours of who would be up for sale spread round the world faster than a speeding bullet.  
  
The arena was packed full of women all waiting impatiently for their chance to own a Superhero if only for a short time. On the Stage Wonder Woman and her friends sat waiting for the show to start with some Lucky competition winners.  
  
Back Stage in their dressing room the various Heroes paced around nervously waiting to be called upon, all except for three  
  
Finally Kon EL could take it no longer,  
  
"How can they just sit there I mean even Jonn is nervous!"  
  
Feeling a hand rest on his shoulder he turned to look up at Superman.  
  
"They're Bat!"  
  
Steel walked to the stage dressed in a tuxedo,  
  
"Ladies, Welcome to the first ever Hero auction."  
  
He waited for the crowd to settle back down.  
  
"Ok, the rules for this evening. Number one you cannot ask the hero for their secret identity or try to discover it. Number two you have your hero for 24 hours unless a crisis occurs in which case your remaining time will be resumed at a later date. And finally as its Her Birthday Wonder Woman gets to pick any one of the Heroes, as hers no, matter how much he might raise. And so ladies on with the Auction!"  
  
Back Stage the tension was mounting as the starting time arrived. Looking at the flashing light Kon-El stood and walked towards the door.  
The Heroes listened as Teenage DirtBag blasted out across the stadium followed by screams of the crowd.  
  
Ten minutes later a bedraggled Superboy limped through the door.  
  
"Animals...They're Animals, the hands grasping, ripping. What have we done !"  
  
The Other heroes retreated to a corner shocked at the brash heroes breakdown.  
  
"What have we agreed to, What can we do?"  
  
"There's only one thing that we can do," replied Batman, "Prey!"  
  
Plastic man was up next and entered the stage to 'Bend me, Shape me'. He was Bought rather unenthusiastically by the Huntress who continued to sulk until they had a few words and he changed to look like Nightwing.  
  
Then came the Martian Manhunter who went on to 'The great Pretender'. Flamebird bought him, as she went up to receive her prize he too changed form to look like Nightwing.  
  
The Green Lantern was bought by a group of ladies who had clubbed together. As they took their seat on the stage each lady had an emerald construct of Nightwing on her arm acting the perfect gentleman.  
  
Suddenly the spotlights burst into life and 'Supermodel' by RU Paul echoed across the arena as Superman floated down from the heavens performing various poses to show of his physique. The bidding started immediately and after a heated bidding war he was bought by Maxima. Taking his seat in between her and Lois Lane he turn to his wife.  
  
"How come you didn't buy me? I know you had more than that in your purse."  
  
Whispering while looking the other way Lois replied with a schoolgirl giggle.  
  
"I thought that it would help your secret identity if someone else bought you. Besides," she whispered so quietly that even super hearing could hardly hear it, "There's a rumour going around that Nightwing might be for sale!"  
  
Steel once again took the stage,  
  
"What can I say about our next hero, he leads his own team, he is probably the most famous sidekick who has ever lived, and he is still only a teenager, Ladies I present to you ......Robin!"  
  
As 'Rockin' Robin by the Jacksons vibrated from the speakers to the awe of the audience Robin melted from the shadows of the stage. Remembering what Dick had told him he started to dance up and down the Catwalk, blowing kisses into the crowd. Not even waiting for the music to finish the bidding started with almost every young girl bidding. The number of bidders soon died down until it was just Spoiler and Secret still in the running. The bid was for Spoiler when a voice came from the Shadows $1000; landing in the spotlight Batgirl walked up and claimed her prize.  
The two teens quickly disappeared from the view of the public and sat watching the show a Beam over the stage.  
  
"Cass, I'm grateful but why did you buy me and where did you get the money?"  
  
Pulling up her cowl Cassandra bent over and softly kissed the Boy wonder on the lips. Shocked at the spark of electricity that passed through them they quickly separated looking at each other as if for the first time.  
Opening her mouth to speak her reply was lost as Robin's mouth closed over hers stalling any conversation for a long time.  
  
Back in the dressing room only Roy, Dick and the Bat remained, watching the light go on Roy stood up and smirked at his friend,   
  
"See ya later BatBoy!"  
  
The two heroes stood Quietly as 'I'm too sexy' played for his entrance.  
  
"Are you sure you want to go through with this Batman, we could still get out of here."  
  
"Oh no, I can't wait to see you do your act, do you have it with you?"  
  
"Yeah, I have it!"  
  
Laughing to himself Bruce walked to the stage to make his entrance.  
  
Standing at his podium Steel prepared to announce the next Hero,  
  
"Ladies, as you know the list of heroes who are up for sale has been one of the most closely guarded secrets of the century, and looking at who is next I now know why. Ladies the JLA's very own 'Creature of the Night', BATMAN!!!"  
A Shocked silence prevailed in the arena as Batman appeared on the stage, taking advantage of the quiet he started to sing.  
  
" It's astounding   
Time is fleeting   
Madness takes its toll   
But listen closely   
Not for very much longer   
I've got to keep control."   
  
The music sprang into life as he Continued to sing, Grabbing Wonder Woman he started to dance as well.  
  
"I remember doing the Time Warp   
Drinking those moments when   
The blackness would hit me   
And the void would be calling   
  
Let's do the Time Warp again   
Let's do the Time Warp again   
  
It's just a jump to the left   
And then a step to the right   
With your hands on your hips   
You bring your knees in tight   
But it's the pelvic thrust   
That really drives you insane   
Let's do the Time Warp again   
Let's do the Time Warp again."  
  
Before the bidding could even start Batman felt two strong hands grab him by the ears on his cowl and turn him around. Their kiss lasted a lifetime, Finally pulling back because she needed air, Diana smiled at him and softly sang,  
  
"Don't judge a book by its cov-ov-er  
Your not much of a man,  
by the light of day,  
But at night your one hell of a lov-ov-er!"  
  
Before she could finish the song Batman quickly kissed her again and escorted her back to their seats.  
  
As the audience still sat in silence Steel quickly addressed them,  
  
"Well Ladies I might as well send our last hero home, as nothing could beat that we've had Superhuman's, metahuman's and Batman doing the 'Time Warp'. I can honestly say that now I have seen everything!"  
  
The crowds screams of 'NO' and 'More' reverberated around the stage.  
  
"Ok then, what can I say about our last hero? He works in one of the most corrupt cities in the country and he is respected and well thought of by every Hero on the planet! But wait, this could describe almost any hero so let me introduce him by the name given to him by his female fans on the Net and his female co-workers, Ladies may I present, MR DAMN FINE!"  
  
The spotlights flared as Nightwing appeared in the middle of the stage and started to sing.  
  
"Hell has gone and heavens here,  
There's nothing left for you to fear,"  
  
Starting to dance down the catwalk he held out the microphone and let the audience sing the next few lines.  
  
"SHAKE YOUR ASS, GET OVER HERE  
NOW SCREAM!"  
  
Wiggling his damn fine at the audience he back flipped back up the stage and picked out one of the competition winners. Leaning over to hear her name he announced to the world,  
  
"Ladies my new friend Marcie!"  
  
Turning her side on so the audience could see he slowly began to bump and grind his body turning his moves into a public lap dance.  
Then with no warning he quickly ripped his top off revealing his toned upper body. Smiling at his new friend he placed her hands on the side of his legs and keeping her hands covered with his ripped his leggings of leaving him in just his mask and a black thong with a big bat signal on it, a small plastic clip holding it together.  
  
Flipping and somersaulting down the catwalk he landed on his knees with his arms raised just as the song ended.   
As he stood up to take his bows he heard a faint click an a slight pain as a small charge caused the clip to open dropping the thong to the floor. Not realising his state of undress Dick took his bows and then looked over to Batman who was openly smiling next to a laughing Diana.  
  
Walking over to Babs who had quickly beat off all the competition with a bid of $20,000. He looked at her shaking form.  
  
Watching him blush as he realised his state of undress Babs could not help but laugh,  
  
"Well I guess I can't call you Short pants anymore!"  
  
Walking past the couple on Diana's arm Bruce whispered as he past,  
  
"Just remember I am the Master!"  
  
  
  
  



End file.
